just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
