Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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