found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
