3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
