Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
