It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
