we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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