I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
