At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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