Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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