Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
