good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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