As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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