The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
