Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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