The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
