What a fucking waste of an outfit
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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