im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
