If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
