Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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