I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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