I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I need a beard to bite.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
