No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
