Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
