I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
