that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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