yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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