I smell stomach acid.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I won't apologize to a one balled man
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
