I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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