the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
