i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
