He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize