I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
