it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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