Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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