apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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