drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
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Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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