I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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