youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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