addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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