Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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