I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
