wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I enjoy the company of your penis
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
