i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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