her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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