there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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