I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
