someone get that fucking seahorse.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
