I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
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And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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