needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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