if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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