All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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