I think my fart just growled at me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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