mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
