everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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