I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Still dying that you shit outside
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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