Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
