She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
