Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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