Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
