The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
