I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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