Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The power of my boobs compel you
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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