hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
