Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
