if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
