im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
