I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
high people should be assigned attendants
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
