If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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