I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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