I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
