My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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