i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
