She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
